PEZ

Sugar tablets that mechanically protrude from some cartoon character's neck when you pull their head back.... How many of us have discarded an idea because it was stupid? Well the PEZ chaps decided to get rich off of one such idea.

There is one major flaw with PEZ. It's the sudden, surprising disappointment one gets when they realize they've just eaten the last PEZ in the stack. I like to be prepared for the last bite so I can savor it.

Oh and the cherry flavored PEZ tastes like medicine. It's not PEZ's fault really. I think medicine makers have overdone the kid-friendly cherry ploy. Ham flavored cough syrup would be just fine.

The Sky Toilet

I'm beginning to get settled into my new job at the University of Dayton. I work on the ground floor of the library. In my case, "ground floor" means that if approached from the north it's the first floor, but if approached from the south it's the basement. Anyway, it's very nice. I share an office with another developer I work closely with, which so far has been a very helpful arrangement.

The library has seven floors (eight if you count my ground floor) and there is something very special about the men's bathroom on the top floor. It features The Sky Toilet...

It's called The Sky Toilet for three reasons:

1. Altitude. It's on the seventh floor.
   
   
2. The Sky Toilet is positioned right next to a huge window. This gives the pooper a spectacular aerial view of much of campus. Consequently, this also seemingly exposes the toilet-user to the frequent bustle below.
   
   

   This, my friends, is the view from the Sky Toilet. I know the picture isn't too good. There wasn't any bustle at the time and the sun was glaring. But nature doesn't always call when it's best for a photo. You get the point.

   
   
3. The toilet seat itself is several inches higher than what is standard. Honestly, my feet do not reach the floor when I use the Sky Toilet.
   
   

It's a real thrill to use the Sky Toilet. I'm not sure why, but it's definitely cool. I think it's the novelty.

It is believed that a visitor to the Sky Toilet has no need to worry about people seeing them from below because the windows are tinted and no one looks up there anyway. I've noted that the lights are always off. This further obfuscates the window. Still, I personally keep an eye on the pedestrians below. I watch out for people looking skyward, pointing and giggling. Hasn't happened. Probably never will, but I'll keep an eye out...just in case.

This post has nothing to do with piranha.

Everyone should try stuff, right? If you don't enjoy it, at least you learned something, got the experience, and now have a story to tell.
(Note: By saying "everyone should try 'stuff'", I am not condoning the use of illegal drugs, fornication, Jihad, auto theft, impersonating a diplomat, suicide, homicide, genocide, some other kind of -cide, arson, cat juggling or anything else that could get you or I in orange jumper trouble.)

So why not try selling a house in the worst housing market since the Great Depression? Not exaggerating. Well...so they say. Media chaps do like to dramatize a bit. I've never sold a house before, so there's all kinds of fun things to experience for the first time. And just to make it more interesting, we'll move across the state and pay rent while still paying the mortgage. This ups the stakes. Why be boring?

My favorite new experience, thus far, is when someone drives by slow and nosy-like. As a mature, dignified adult, I frantically bolt to a window they probably can't see me through, and gawk back - willing them with my telepathic powers to call the realtor's number displayed on our sign. So far, no worky.

There haven't been any offers yet. Actually, only one couple has even stepped in to look. They were disappointed by the one-car garage...Buy two motorcycles and stop whining! But I fear someone someday will offer way low, and then when they adjust to my counter, the price will be in an awkward spot. What I mean by awkward is "too low but...". What I mean by that is if I wait a few more months for a better offer, I may break even when you account for the loss of mortgage payment I'd unnecessarily be incurring during those months.

I told you this had nothing to do with piranha.

Plantar Wart

I have had a plantar wart on my left foot for about three months. It hurts when I walk and I'm getting real tired of it. I had been using "Dr. Scholl's Plantar Wart Removers" with little success.

So I decided to take action. I called my doctor. I told the the receptionist:

"I have a plantar wart on my left foot. It hurts when I walk. Can you guys freeze it off, cut it off, burn it off, just get it off somehow?"

She said, "Yeah, we can do that."

"Great! Schedule me an appointment!"

"The soonest we can see you is in five weeks. Is that ok?"

"No."

"Well there's nothing we can do."

"Really?"

"Really."

"..." {click}

Frustrated but not despairing I asked a coworker if there was a local family practice where he thought I could get in within a week. He suggested calling the "East Holmes Family Practice". So I did. The receptionist picked up, asked me what she could do...

"I have a plantar wart on my left foot. It hurts when I walk. Can you guys freeze it off, cut it off, burn it off, just get it off somehow?"

She said, "Oh sure. We can help you with that!"

"Great! When's the soonest I can get an appointment."

"Are you a paitent here?"

"No."

"Well, we're not accepting new patients. Sorry."

"..."

"Again, sorry about that. Goodbye now..."

"WAIT! My doctor can't see me until after the second coming. You don't accept new patients. What do you suggest I do?"

"Umm, you could call the Pomerene Express."

"...Why the heck would I call a train?"

"No, Pomerene Express is a stat care facility."

"Oh. Ok I'll call them." {click}



At this point my spirits were up because - hey, a stat care will see anybody, right? So I called the train. The receptionist picked up and I said...


"I have a plantar wart on my left foot. It hurts when I walk. Can you guys freeze it off, cut it off, burn it off, just get it off somehow?"

"Uh, let me check with the nurse practioner."

I was put on hold, and half listened to soothing jazz music.

The nurse practioner picked up the phone and asked, "Hi. Where is this wart?"

"It's on the ball of my left foot. A painful contact point. I've been trying to treat it with Dr. Scholl's Plantar Wart Removers, but it's not going too well."

"Has it been getting bigger?"

"No."

"Ok. I used to work for a pediatrist and we got these a lot. What you need to do is put a piece of duct tape on it, and that should clear it up."

"..."

"Hello?"

"..."

"Still there?"

"Ok. So what you're saying is that I need to take my scientifically researched Dr. Scholl's things and toss them in garbage, and instead put a piece of duct tape on my foot?"

"Yep."

"Was the pediatrist you worked for named Dr. MacGyver?"

"Are you trying to be funny?"

"Sorry. Ok. Thanks. I'll give it a shot." {click}


Shortly after I got off the phone. I took off the Dr. Scholl's thing and tried to dig as much of the skin away as I could with a pair of nail clippers. I also googled plantar wart solutions, and the duct tape therapy actually had some good reviews. Who'd'a thunk it? When I got home I put a piece of duct tape on my foot.

Later, I will update this with a verdict on the treatment...

12.04.2008 It is later and the duct tape did not work. I ended up going to a podiatrist who put a potion on the war that caused my body to reject the skin on which it was applied. It formed a big painful blister and eventually I picked it off. The wart is now gone.

Cancel Credit Protector Fee

I didn't ask for it, in fact I explicitly told them not to do it, but the credit card company put a $0.89 fee for every $100 spent on my account. That's ok. They made it real easy to cancel. It only required 30 steps.

1. Call the 866 number associated with the Fee posting.
2. Listen to computer menu.
3. Press 1 or "oprima dos".
4. Press 8.
5. Press 3.
6. Enter account number
7. Hold
8. Tell nice man from India my personal info and that I don't want to pay the fee.
9. Hold
10. Nice man from India tells me he'll transfer me to someone who can help.
11. Hold
12. Talk to a woman, who addresses me as Richard Harmon.
13. Explain to the woman that I am not Richard Harmon.
14. Give the woman my personal and account info and tell her I want to cancel the fee.
    
15. Hold
16. Talk to a different man from India.
17. Hold
18. Talk to another guy. Tell him I want to cancel the fee.
19. Hold
20. Talk to another woman. She says she'll transfer me to the Credit Protector people. (Yay!)
21. Hold
22. Talk to the Credit Protector woman. Tell her I want to cancel.
23. Listen to Credit Protector woman's spiel about why I don't really want to cancel.
24. Tell her that I do, in fact, still want to cancel.
25. Listen to Credit Protector woman's spiel about a cheaper option.
26. Tell her that I do, in fact, still want to cancel.
27. Listen to Credit Protector woman's spiel about how they'll send me a $20 dollar Visa checkcard as an incentive for continuing to use their service.
28. Tell her that I do, in fact, still want to cancel!
29. Listen as Credit Protector woman finally agrees to remove the fee. (Yay!)
30. Tell Credit Protector woman to enjoy her day of immoral fees and bribes, say bye-bye, and hang up.

What's a Sport?

Semantics is a funny thing. Over time the meanings of words evolve. For example, there once was a man named Guy Fawkes who tried to blow up Parliament in 1605. He failed, got caught, and was sentenced to death. Note that to this day he is considered the only man to enter the legislature with honest intentions. As an insult, the word "guy" started being used to describe shady men such as criminals and thugs. Then it became a more general word to describe any man, and today it is even used to describe women as in, "What are you guys doing?".

Take the word "awesome". "Awesome" is a word that has become diluted. It's intent is to describe incredible wonders such as the Grand Canyon and God's almightiness. But now someone hands you a nifty ball-point pen and you say, "Wow! This is awesome!" The word has become diluted.

Just like the word "awesome" the meaning of "sport" has also become diluted. Football is a sport. Yahtzee is not. This is obvious, but why? And what about billiards? What we need is a working definition to help us determine which activities are sports and which are not...

My definition of a sport:
Sport: noun, any wholly, bodily-kinetic, competitive event where participants interact with each other, or alter the game state, dynamically in real-time, for the purpose of gaining advantage with opposing end goals of winning the contest.


I've broken my definition into three easy to apply criteria.....In order to be considered a "sport" all three of the following criteria must be met:

1. Competitive: Is the event a competition with opposing end goals of winning the contest?
2. Physically Dynamic: Is the event wholly, bodily-kinetic? Meaning; do the competitors move and use their whole bodies as part of the contest?
   
3. Real-time: Do the competitors have to interact and with each other in real-time, or are they changing the game state for their opponent in real-time in order to get an advantage?

Now before I make some people's feelings hurt, and before I'm accused of causing mischief. I'd like to make it absolutely clear that I am not trying to belittle any activity that my definition excludes from sporthood. Ok?

So using the criteria...

Is Basketball a sport? Yes.

1. Competitive: Yes
2. Physically Dynamic: Yes
3. Real-time: Yes

Obviously Basketball, Football, Baseball, Soccer, Lacrosse, Hockey, Volleyball, Rugby, Boxing, Fencing, etc. are sports. If you're not sure, apply the criteria. So, Let's take a look at those contests that are up for debate...

Poker? No.

1. Competitive: Yes
2. Physically Dynamic: No
3. Real-time: You could argue it, but no.
   
   

Ping-pong? Yes.

1. Competitive: Yes
2. Physically Dynamic: Yes
3. Real-time: Yes

Ping-pong, or more properly - Table Tennis, at the elite level is immeasurably more intense than the casual game you played in the basement with your mom, dad or cousin Timmy. Just YouTube the elite players such as Ma Lin or Wang Hao. You'll notice incredible agility, footwork and power combined with intense competitive emotion.

Billiards? No.

1. Competitive: Yes
2. Physically Dynamic: Not really
3. Real-Time: No
   
   

Golf? No.

1. Competitive: Yes
2. Physically Dynamic: Just barely.
3. Real-time: No way

Dare I even approach this sacred cow? Before your golfer fury gets you into trouble with Bob Barker, imagine an exciting football play...with a hard hit. Now imagine a close game in the Final Four...60 seconds on the clock, down by 2, full court press. Is golf really the same kind of activity? It is not. Golf is a game of skill. It fails the real-time test. You're playing against the course - not your opponent. There is no competitive interaction. No defense. Each competitor just plays as well as he/she can and whoever does it in the least strokes wins. You don't even have to see your opponent to lose to him. Not a sport. A game of skill.

Wii Sports Boxing? No.

1. Competitive: Yes
2. Physically Dynamic: No...but frighteningly close
3. Real-time: Yes

Footwork is not part of Wii boxing. I'm sure many people play it from their couch. It just isn't quite"wholly, bodily-kinetic". It's close though. This is somewhat alarming because standard video games clearly are not sports; yet this almost made the cut. But it came close. I suppose a full virtual reality game could be considered a sport by my definition. Nintendo isn't there yet, so until then, we'll continue to go outside to play.

Auto Racing? No.

1. Competitive: Yes
2. Physically Dynamic: Not quite
3. Real-time: Yes

Here comes some more pain...but should it be painful? I'm not denying the skill or the intrigue. I'm just defining "sport". This one truly was close, but racing, although physically demanding, cannot be considered physically dynamic. You can't justify that it is a "wholly, bodily-kinetic, competitive event". The driver moves his arms, feet, and head, but not his or her (didn't forget Danica) whole body. Compare Auto Racing's whole body involvement to three hours of two-player Wii Sports Boxing... Wii Boxing requires no footwork. Auto Racing requires no getting off your bum.

Olympic Track Events, Swimming, etc? No.

1. Competitive: Yes
2. Physically Dynamic:Yes
3. Real-time: I'm a little torn, but I'll say 'no'.

They are trying to get to the finish before their opponent in real-time but unlike hockey, the event could be run one competitor at a time. You couldn't have one hockey team play their game on Tuesday and their opponent play on Wednesday. The real-time aspect of these racing events is immaterial and the outcome is not dependent on real-time alterations of the game state. At least in auto racing the racers interact with each other. However, it would be funny if someone grabbed Michael Phelps' ankle in Beijing. That's probably the only way to beat him.

Competitive Eating? No.

1. Competitive: Yes
2. Physically Dynamic: No
3. Real-time: No
   
   

We are the tenants of the English language. The line has to be drawn...or else Yahtzee becomes a sport.

A Quick Jaunt

What should have been a quick jaunt to the grocery and pharmacy somehow turned into a series of unfortunate events where Jude Law could narrate and you’d laugh, cry, shake your head, and say things like, “Gracious me! What hullabaloo!”
Here’s how it went down…and if at some point during the tale you notice a point where I messed up and should have handled the situation differently, make a note and let me know.

I needed to go to the grocery store and the pharmacy, which are both in the same part of town and only five minutes from my home. I hopped in my sporty, fuel efficient, ’95 Civic and headed toward the target zone. As I approached Main St., I saw the first in a series of signs directing people toward Sugarcreek, Ohio’s annual “Fabulous Fifties Fling”. This was a problem. The downtown area would be thronging with tourists, antique cars, carneys, and Golden Buckeye Card-holders. The streets would be blocked off in unpredictable patterns, which meant detouring, and parking would not be at all pleasant. I at once considered aborting the mission; however, my 22 month old milk-aholic would have been distressed without her dairy fix, and the pharmacy was closed on Sundays so this was the only chance until Monday evening. So I made the decision to proceed…

It became evident that I would not be able to park very near the pharmacy, which meant that I had to go there first; otherwise the milk would curdle due to the thermonuclear heat. After circumnavigating the blocked off portions of town, I found an area by some railroad tracks where I could park about a quarter mile from the pharmacy. Truly the best I could do. Oh, and I was wearing flip-flops; an additional nuisance because the first portion of my little hike was over double tracks, through dirty gravel, snakes, and thorny weeds. I strolled through the aptly named “Fabulous Fifties Fling” and make it to the pharmacy (my first objective).

I tell the nice lady at the desk that I need a refill. Nice lady says, “Ok, but I’m not sure how long it will take because our computers aren’t working right.”
I ask nice lady, “Could you give me an estimate – just a ballpark guess?”
Nice lady says, “No.”
“No?”
“No.”

{I paused to tactfully formulate my response so as not to sound like I have a surly attitude, which I do at this point.}
I ask, “Do you think it will take more or less than three hours?”
“Oh. It won’t take that long!”
“Ok…Do you think it will take more or less than 15 minutes.”
“It will definitely take longer than 15 minutes.”
“I see. So do you think it will take more or less than two hours?”
At this point she catches on to my ploys and tells me it probably would take an hour. As I exited, I puzzled over why she didn’t tell me that to begin with.

I then had a few things to consider. Should I just go ahead and get the groceries and take my chances with warm milk? How much could I trust the nice lady’s estimation? I didn’t really feel like participating in the “Fabulous Fifties Fling”. Note that back in the fifties it was just called the ‘Fabulous Fling’. I decided to flip-flop back over the snakes and railroad tracks. I got in my car and meandered over to IGA.

I took my time at the grocery store because I had an hour to kill. The only hitch I ran into was that the Velveeta shredded cheese my wife had asked for was sold out. Life goes on. I kicked around the idea of homemade General Tso’s Chicken, but decided it may be too hard to pull off without a deep fryer and Chinese immigrant to help prepare it. I checked out, adding forty cents to my Discover cash-back bonus, got in my car and headed back toward the railroad tracks.
After my third romp through the cacti, pythons, and pistons, I found my prescription ready and waiting (it only took an hour). I paid for the drugs and for a final time made the trek back to the tracks.

As I retraced my circumnavigation of the downtown area, I wondered why a town with a large Amish community makes a fuss over old cars. There's horse-drawn buggies all over the place. If you want antiquity…why settle for 20th century? Then, around the time John Mayer had repeated, “Say what you need to say” for the zillionth time in that overplayed radio hit, the car directly in front of me rear ended the car directly in front of it, ergo trapping me between them and the traffic behind me.

Sometime later I managed a U-turn, a wider detour, and no more unfortunate events. My quick jaunt had come to a merciful end.

It floats around. It's gotta land somewhere. I was in the path of the tornado.
-Andy Dufresne, The Shawshank Redemption

Beware of Fruit Cocktail

With chicken you watch out for bones. With watermelon you watch out for seeds. With soup you watch out for hot. But fruit cocktail is the most dangerous. The reason is that the enemy does NOT meet you in the open. We know chicken has bones so we're careful and we learn to avoid them. You anticipate watermelon seeds in each bite so you know you can't chomp and gulp (unless you want watermelons growing in your tummy). And the steaming bowl of soup might as well have a flashing sign above it saying, "Caution: Contents are hot and will hurt you if you put them in your mouth!" But the fruit cocktail is sneaky. There are no warnings, and experience really doesn't help.

Looks good, doesn't it? Don't be fooled by appearances. A dangerous foe lies beneath the festive surface.

Do you know what I'm talking about? It's the surprise pieces of wood fragments that tend to gravitate toward the pears or peaches. You spoon some fruit juiciness into your mouth, chew, swallow, and all is well, but that all changes on spoonful #7. Your molars come to a violent halt and you have to decide whether to finger through the fruity slime in your mouth or just swallow a small hunk of wood and risk esophageal splinters.

Now do you know what I'm talking about? If you don't, you've been chowing on rich people fruit cocktail or something. This is something that has always bothered me. The wood chips are probably cores that slipped by the expungers and decided to crash the party. I'd say 50% of the time you could spot one before putting it in your mouth but this would require delicate examination of each piece of fruit. The other 50% are undetectable until your bicuspids suddenly become sawmills. Although they tend to hide in the peaches and pears, they occasionally stick to grapes and cherries. (Pineapples are safe.)

Lately I've been avoiding fruit cocktail. It's just not worth it.

How to Fix the U.S. Economy in One Day

It's really a simple thing, but we unfortunately do not have the leadership thanks to a government crippled by partisan deadlock.

Here's how I could fix our economy if I was given absolute control of the government for one day:

1. Fix Health Care Costs:

• Federal mandate that lawyers who lose malpractice lawsuits must pay the amount they were suing for. This will dramatically reduce frivolous lawsuits. Insurance coverage that doctors pay to cover this risk accounts for 25% of our medical bills. Because lawsuits would become less frequent and for less money, we could expect this percentage to (at least) be cut in half.
• Create a greater supply of qualified doctors by reducing earnings taxes on medical schools that accept more students into medical school via lower standards on entrance exams. Aspiring medical students need a satisfactorily high score on the MCAT or other entrance exam. Many times, a person who would make a fantastic doctor is turned away because they struggle in physics and chemistry, which really have little to do with acknowledging you have strep and prescribing amoxicillin. They still would be held to the medical school's existing standards for licensure, so there is little risk of this policy encouraging additional incompetent physicians. In fact, it may create a trend of doctors with better people skills, which arguably is equal with the science component of the job (surgeons excluded). The resulting greater supply of doctors will create a competitive environment which will drive prices down and ensure quality of service. Competition is a great thing for the consumer.
  
• A federal mandate will prohibit providers from charging people with insurance more money for the same treatment. With the lower costs everyone should be able to afford insurance anyway.

2. Fix Energy/Fuel Costs:

• Oil and gasoline are obsolete as a fuel source. The internal combustion engine is archaic and inefficient. Tesla Motors sells a fully electric car that has a 220 mile range on a single charge, goes 0 to 60 in 3.9 seconds, and only takes 4 hours to do a full recharge. This currently would cost $0.02 per mile to operate. Offer tax breaks to manufacturers that produce affordable electric cars, and increase taxes on those who do not. Sales will drive the rest.
• Obliterate all barriers to using nuclear power in the United States. It's less expensive, safe and produces no pollution; except for the waste which is buried in New Mexico (and honestly, who cares about that?). The stuff you see coming out the stacks is water steam from cooling - not smoke. France is almost entirely nuclear, and hasn't had any trouble. If they can do it, we sure can. There are nuclear power plants all over the world and only Chernobyl has ever had a real meltdown. Black lung from coal is a real threat, but people don't seem to care about real threats, do they?
• Because the above two points would eliminate most of the greenhouse gas emissions, the federal and state funds used to regulate air pollution would be invested in researching battery technology. If we could improve battery capacities and degradation we'd have better electric cars and could use solar power and wind turbines more, and they are even more efficient than nuclear power.

By using these strategies, I estimate health care costs and insurance premiums to be reduced by at least 50%, vehicle operating costs would be reduced by at least 70%, and home energy costs would be reduced by at least 15%. The compounding effect of all these savings would give people enough extra cash that they'll be considering the cost of fuel for their personal helicopter.

Too bad none of this is going to happen within the next 20 years.

Freely you have received, freely give.

The helpless little child made its way toward the United Nation food camp located 1 kilometer away. The photographer stopped only long enough to take this picture.

What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, ‘Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,’ but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. James 2:14-17

When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Mark 10:14

He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap; Psalm 113:7

We need to do more than just look at the picture.

If giving to your church will save the life of a child like this, give to your church.
Otherwise, this service is very easy to use: Action Against Hunger.

Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. Luke 12:33

Pirates vs. Ninjas: Part 2

Mission:
Which faction will do the best job mowing the grass: Pirates or Ninjas? The job will be judged on quality and speed. The clock starts at sunrise.

How the Pirates Mow the Grass:

Sunrise: No activity
10:00am: A dozen pirates convene in the front lawn, argue for five minutes and then scatter accross the neighborhood. Five minutes later they return with a dozen nearby residents. Each of these neighbors has their own lawn mower and a few minor cuts and bruises. Due to threats of bodily harm, the neighbors begin to furiously mow the grass. The pirates drive them to mow as fast as they can. They miss a spot or two but another pirate/mower team spots it and cleans it up. The cat-o-nine-tails is employed when mistakes occur, and few make a second mistake. The positioning of the mowers across the lawn isn't perfectly dispersed but it's close. The pace is frantic.
10:16am: Every blade of grass has been cut. The lawn is done.


How the Ninjas Mow the Grass:

Sunrise: No activity
10:00am: No activity
12:00pm: No activity
6:00pm: No activity
Nightfall...
At this point it was agreed upon that the Ninjas had elected not to participate in this competition, and we eventually went to bed.
...
However...despite never hearing a lawnmower, or even hearing the neighbor's dog bark, we found the lawn to be cut and groomed the next morning.


Analysis:
The pirates were clearly very fast. Their lines were not real straight and there were some places where the grass was uneven due to differing blade heights, but it didn't look horrible.

To properly analyze the Ninja's work, a botanical forensics specialist was brought in, and he estimated that the grass was systematically cut between 8:00am and 7:30pm. The disturbing thing is that we were alert and expecting to see the Ninjas begin their work. We simply overlooked the fact that the lawn was gradually being completed throughout the day. The Ninjas methods are a complete mystery. They did a very good job and deserve style points, but speed was a part of this contest, and the Ninjas took at least 9 hours and 14 minutes longer to get the job done. The higher level of quality was not enough to make up for the disparity in speed. Pirates win!

Voyager 2

I was looking up the date of Pluto’s declassification as a planet, for a curious friend, and stumbled upon the wikipedia article about Voyager 2. As you know, Voyager 2 sailed by many of the planets in the solar system taking pictures’n stuff. Afterward, it’s just kinda continued to cruise out into deep space. The article states the following…

Since its planetary mission is over, Voyager 2 is now described as working on an interstellar mission, which NASA is using to find out what the solar system is like beyond the heliosphere. Like Voyager 1 around three years before, Voyager 2 crossed into the heliosheath, the last section of the heliosphere before interstellar space, in October 2007. Each Voyager carries a gold-plated audio-visual disc in the event that either spacecraft is ever found by intelligent aliens. The disc carries images of Earth and its lifeforms, a range of scientific information, and a medley, "Sounds of Earth", that includes the sounds of whales, a baby crying, waves breaking on a shore and a variety of music.

Great! We’ve given the Borg, Romulans, Protoss, and Sith a menu of entrées and the address to the restaurant. Thanks a lot NASA!

What is the deal with ice machines?

Someone please explain to me what the purpose of ice machines really is. It's probably that I am an anomaly and simply failing to see the obvious.

Why are these machines so important that every travel lodge across America needs one? Actually most hotels seem to have them on each floor. -- A possible exception being that dive we blundered into in White Sulfur Springs, WV, but even that place probably had an ice machine. It just might have been such an old model that I mistook it for a replica of the Merrimack. -- They even give us that little bucket with the lid and trash bag liner to carry quantities back to the room, and for what? Do people need so much ice that their free, sealed, sterile plastic cup does not suffice? Are they going to wake up in the middle of the night with a sudden urge to consume precious ice? What are people doing with all that stinking ice?!!!

The office I currently work in also has the obligatory ice machine in the employee break room. I remember there being one in the teacher's lounge at my high school. There were ice machines in the academic halls at my college. And guess what. Those ice machines were the same size as the one at the fast food restaurant I worked at. The difference is, at Captain D's we were constantly giving customers cup fulls of ice with each drink. My question is, why do hotels and offices need the same kind of ice production as restaurants? Seriously, I want to know!

According to Google, a standard ice machine costs $2000. Additionally, the operating cost is as high as a freezer (big surprise) and they make a lot of noise. But hotel owners universally assess it to be a justifiable expense. Do most people bring their beverages with them whenever they travel, and consequently require ice to cool their otherwise lukewarm refreshment? I doubt that is common. More typically people go to a pop machine for said tasty refreshment, or they may visit a nearby bar or liquor store if that's their thing. Another possibility is people may want to take their sealed plastic cup the hotel provides, and get some ice so they can enjoy cold tap water. That one is the only explanation that makes sense to me; although, I don't see why it's worth the effort, and why the bucket with the lid? Overkill, I say! Clearly, one heaping cup-full would accommodate a family of four.

Maybe it's common for regular citizens to transport organs for transplant, and they need the ice for that. I don't know! Perhaps there is a globally pervasive cult that worships Skaldi, the Giantess wife of Njord and deity of ice and snow? Or maybe people just eat ice...?

I understand wanting a bit of ice, but give me a break. Somebody please explain this to me.

Writer's Strike

Writing is the most important element of any movie or TV show, and that's a fact. If the actors are second rate, they almost always still do a good job. You just don't know who they are and what else they've been in. If the cinematography and effects are second rate, you won't think of it as a problem and probably won't notice; You just might not be quite as impressed. But if the story or dialogue is at all second-rate, it will harsh your mellow every time...(Unless all kinds of things are blowing up, and gorillas are wielding light sabers, and Chuck Norris is roundhouse kicking guys in the face.)...Then you might not notice. Still, bad writing can ruin an otherwise flawless production. Good writing can turn a movie about a guy living the same day over-and-over into a classic. So the good writers are very valuable and the bad ones are easily replaced, so what's the deal with the writer's strike?

In a free market economy, people generally get paid what they're worth, assuming they have the freedom to change jobs. A career Papa John's employee may complain, but any sixteen-year-old could do his job. Likewise if just anybody could be a CEO, the board of directors wouldn't waste six figures on some fancy suit. They'd just hire the Papa John's guy, and use the excess for something that really gave them an advantage. If the Papa John's guy makes great pizzas but doesn't receive a raise or promotion, but Dominoes will give him an assistant manager position, what do you think he's going to do? He doesn't need to go on strike, he just needs to go where he'll get what he's worth. So he quits and goes to Dominoes. Papa John's hires a high schooler, and everyone is happy. The new assistant manager didn't need a union to get what he was worth; neither did the CEO; performance is the best bargaining tool.

So why are the writer's dissatisfied with what they are being offered? Apparently the sticky points include DVD residual payments, union jurisdiction over animation and reality program writers, and compensation for "New Media" programs such as Internet shows. So the items being discussed represent new and lucrative opportunities, and like a gold rush everyone comes running with their pickaxes. What should happen is that the production companies hash it out with the individual writers. If a talented writer feels he's being cheated, he probably could get better terms at a company that would be more appreciative of his skills. Less talented writers wouldn't have that power but that's fair. Is it not? At least they can make a living doing what they enjoy.

But the Writer's Guild of America says that writers are not to be negotiated with individually. Instead collective bargaining ensues. What producer wants to pay a low-talent writer more than he's worth? So we have an impasse. Let's get real. The chumps that wrote the Cavemen series, got paid a lot more than they were worth. The guys that wrote the first few seasons of 24 can probably get whatever they ask.

In a healthy free market economy, unions are not just unnecessary but also destructive. The delicate harmony is thrown out of balance. This whole thing is just another example. How many American manufacturing facilities would still be able to support communities if unions hadn't driven their payroll expenses higher than they could competitively sustain? In the end everyone loses.

Ohio State Football 2007

Not bad for a rebuilding year. The offense was given the uphill task of replacing two experienced quaterbacks (one Heisman award winner, Troy Smith), two NFL first round pick receivers (one of which was also the nations best return man Ted Ginn Jr), and a tailback who was also drafted into the NFL. At first glance you'd think the defense wasn't hurt too bad by graduation, until you take into account that OSU runs a 4-3 where the line is unequivocally the most important element. Three starting D-linemen left the team and impact-player Lawrence Wilson was injured. This is why sports prognosticators predicted OSU to finish third in the Big Ten. What does it say about a program that can make it to the national title game under these conditions?

Is the Big Ten inferior to the SEC? Let's take a look. Michigan (BigTen #3) beat Florida (SEC #3). Wisconsin (#4) barely lost to Tennessee (#2) in a thriller; meaning our fourth best almost beat their second best. LSU (#1) beat Ohio State (#1). In the last six years the Big Ten is 9-9 against the SEC. Recent history indicates the conferences may be equal. Personally, I assess the SEC to be slightly better at the present but "time and change" will take its toll eventually.

This year's team was very youthful; perhaps too youthful, as can be seen from the number of debilitating and untimely personal fouls in the title game, totaling more yards than I can count. So now I invoke the Cleveland sports fans mantra, "next year". Next year, our team's core will be more mature. Next year, there will be no doubt about strength of schedule because our third game is at USC. This year we don't care what the national media says. This year we'll let the SEC believe they are the best. This year we still will be coached by Jim Tressel, who is 6-1 against arch-rival Michigan.This year we need to never forget what it was like to lose to "the team up north" every year. Always remember that beating Michigan is the most important thing an Ohio State team can do and everything else is just steak sauce.

Oh...one more thing...Ohio boys have beaten the South before. We'll do it again!