Cancel Credit Protector Fee

I didn't ask for it, in fact I explicitly told them not to do it, but the credit card company put a $0.89 fee for every $100 spent on my account. That's ok. They made it real easy to cancel. It only required 30 steps.

1. Call the 866 number associated with the Fee posting.
2. Listen to computer menu.
3. Press 1 or "oprima dos".
4. Press 8.
5. Press 3.
6. Enter account number
7. Hold
8. Tell nice man from India my personal info and that I don't want to pay the fee.
9. Hold
10. Nice man from India tells me he'll transfer me to someone who can help.
11. Hold
12. Talk to a woman, who addresses me as Richard Harmon.
13. Explain to the woman that I am not Richard Harmon.
14. Give the woman my personal and account info and tell her I want to cancel the fee.
    
15. Hold
16. Talk to a different man from India.
17. Hold
18. Talk to another guy. Tell him I want to cancel the fee.
19. Hold
20. Talk to another woman. She says she'll transfer me to the Credit Protector people. (Yay!)
21. Hold
22. Talk to the Credit Protector woman. Tell her I want to cancel.
23. Listen to Credit Protector woman's spiel about why I don't really want to cancel.
24. Tell her that I do, in fact, still want to cancel.
25. Listen to Credit Protector woman's spiel about a cheaper option.
26. Tell her that I do, in fact, still want to cancel.
27. Listen to Credit Protector woman's spiel about how they'll send me a $20 dollar Visa checkcard as an incentive for continuing to use their service.
28. Tell her that I do, in fact, still want to cancel!
29. Listen as Credit Protector woman finally agrees to remove the fee. (Yay!)
30. Tell Credit Protector woman to enjoy her day of immoral fees and bribes, say bye-bye, and hang up.

What's a Sport?

Semantics is a funny thing. Over time the meanings of words evolve. For example, there once was a man named Guy Fawkes who tried to blow up Parliament in 1605. He failed, got caught, and was sentenced to death. Note that to this day he is considered the only man to enter the legislature with honest intentions. As an insult, the word "guy" started being used to describe shady men such as criminals and thugs. Then it became a more general word to describe any man, and today it is even used to describe women as in, "What are you guys doing?".

Take the word "awesome". "Awesome" is a word that has become diluted. It's intent is to describe incredible wonders such as the Grand Canyon and God's almightiness. But now someone hands you a nifty ball-point pen and you say, "Wow! This is awesome!" The word has become diluted.

Just like the word "awesome" the meaning of "sport" has also become diluted. Football is a sport. Yahtzee is not. This is obvious, but why? And what about billiards? What we need is a working definition to help us determine which activities are sports and which are not...

My definition of a sport:
Sport: noun, any wholly, bodily-kinetic, competitive event where participants interact with each other, or alter the game state, dynamically in real-time, for the purpose of gaining advantage with opposing end goals of winning the contest.


I've broken my definition into three easy to apply criteria.....In order to be considered a "sport" all three of the following criteria must be met:

1. Competitive: Is the event a competition with opposing end goals of winning the contest?
2. Physically Dynamic: Is the event wholly, bodily-kinetic? Meaning; do the competitors move and use their whole bodies as part of the contest?
   
3. Real-time: Do the competitors have to interact and with each other in real-time, or are they changing the game state for their opponent in real-time in order to get an advantage?

Now before I make some people's feelings hurt, and before I'm accused of causing mischief. I'd like to make it absolutely clear that I am not trying to belittle any activity that my definition excludes from sporthood. Ok?

So using the criteria...

Is Basketball a sport? Yes.

1. Competitive: Yes
2. Physically Dynamic: Yes
3. Real-time: Yes

Obviously Basketball, Football, Baseball, Soccer, Lacrosse, Hockey, Volleyball, Rugby, Boxing, Fencing, etc. are sports. If you're not sure, apply the criteria. So, Let's take a look at those contests that are up for debate...

Poker? No.

1. Competitive: Yes
2. Physically Dynamic: No
3. Real-time: You could argue it, but no.
   
   

Ping-pong? Yes.

1. Competitive: Yes
2. Physically Dynamic: Yes
3. Real-time: Yes

Ping-pong, or more properly - Table Tennis, at the elite level is immeasurably more intense than the casual game you played in the basement with your mom, dad or cousin Timmy. Just YouTube the elite players such as Ma Lin or Wang Hao. You'll notice incredible agility, footwork and power combined with intense competitive emotion.

Billiards? No.

1. Competitive: Yes
2. Physically Dynamic: Not really
3. Real-Time: No
   
   

Golf? No.

1. Competitive: Yes
2. Physically Dynamic: Just barely.
3. Real-time: No way

Dare I even approach this sacred cow? Before your golfer fury gets you into trouble with Bob Barker, imagine an exciting football play...with a hard hit. Now imagine a close game in the Final Four...60 seconds on the clock, down by 2, full court press. Is golf really the same kind of activity? It is not. Golf is a game of skill. It fails the real-time test. You're playing against the course - not your opponent. There is no competitive interaction. No defense. Each competitor just plays as well as he/she can and whoever does it in the least strokes wins. You don't even have to see your opponent to lose to him. Not a sport. A game of skill.

Wii Sports Boxing? No.

1. Competitive: Yes
2. Physically Dynamic: No...but frighteningly close
3. Real-time: Yes

Footwork is not part of Wii boxing. I'm sure many people play it from their couch. It just isn't quite"wholly, bodily-kinetic". It's close though. This is somewhat alarming because standard video games clearly are not sports; yet this almost made the cut. But it came close. I suppose a full virtual reality game could be considered a sport by my definition. Nintendo isn't there yet, so until then, we'll continue to go outside to play.

Auto Racing? No.

1. Competitive: Yes
2. Physically Dynamic: Not quite
3. Real-time: Yes

Here comes some more pain...but should it be painful? I'm not denying the skill or the intrigue. I'm just defining "sport". This one truly was close, but racing, although physically demanding, cannot be considered physically dynamic. You can't justify that it is a "wholly, bodily-kinetic, competitive event". The driver moves his arms, feet, and head, but not his or her (didn't forget Danica) whole body. Compare Auto Racing's whole body involvement to three hours of two-player Wii Sports Boxing... Wii Boxing requires no footwork. Auto Racing requires no getting off your bum.

Olympic Track Events, Swimming, etc? No.

1. Competitive: Yes
2. Physically Dynamic:Yes
3. Real-time: I'm a little torn, but I'll say 'no'.

They are trying to get to the finish before their opponent in real-time but unlike hockey, the event could be run one competitor at a time. You couldn't have one hockey team play their game on Tuesday and their opponent play on Wednesday. The real-time aspect of these racing events is immaterial and the outcome is not dependent on real-time alterations of the game state. At least in auto racing the racers interact with each other. However, it would be funny if someone grabbed Michael Phelps' ankle in Beijing. That's probably the only way to beat him.

Competitive Eating? No.

1. Competitive: Yes
2. Physically Dynamic: No
3. Real-time: No
   
   

We are the tenants of the English language. The line has to be drawn...or else Yahtzee becomes a sport.