A large percentage of the world is covered in water. I’d say the water is fine for the most part. There’s some skuzzy rivers and the Exxon Valdez poo-pooed in the soup a bit, but other than that I’m happy with it. Then there are all the trees… There are a couple trees that are a hassle because I have to mow around them, but the others stay out of my way, so they’re alright. With the exception of the Denver Broncos, mountains are good. Where else can you have snowball fights in June? And they make great family-friendly calendar photos.
Deserts are perhaps the best, and here’s why; they are miserable places that I have no reason to go to…and as such they make great storage places for nasty things I want to avoid, such as rattlesnakes, cacti, scorpions, illegal aliens, crashed space aliens with ray guns (or whatever they’re hiding in Roswell), temperatures over 100 degrees, buried nuclear waste, Al Quaeda, mirages, roadside bombs, and camel turds. So most of the stuff I consider bad is negated by being sequestered in deserts. Deserts are great!
Critters are a mixed bag. There are cool ones such as chipmunks, eagles, and tigers. Then there are tasty ones such as cows, pigs, and chickens. But sadly there are annoying ones such as insects, rabid dogs, and those birds that feel they need to jazz up my paint job. But then a can of OFF, cyanide dog food, and a two-car garage may help with those problems.
People are a lot like critters. There are cool ones, tasty ones (if you’re a Tyrannosaurus Rex), and annoying ones. The annoying ones are almost always lawyers or people acting like lawyers. They’re selfish and they complicate things for the rest of us. Unfortunately OFF isn’t strong enough, it’s doubtful they’d nibble the dog food, and they’ll make it so you can’t afford your garage, so we need another way to deal with them…
Scorpions behave themselves. Imagine the problems they would cause if they decided to sneak into your car or bed sheets...but they don’t. They stay in the desert where they belong. Just imagine if the lawyers, lawyers who have become politicians, and criminals who didn’t go to law school but act like lawyers, would just go live in the desert where they belong. The world isn’t that bad. More people just need to move to the desert…pigeons and mosquitoes can go too.
